Blog

Love & Monsters

Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! Army of Ghosts You’ve swallowed a planet! I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is […]

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Ready, Aim, Marry Me

Not tricks, Michael, illusions. Really? Did nothing cancel? Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Mr. F He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want […]

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The Phantom Menace

But with the blast shield down, I can’t even see! How am I supposed to fight? Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force. I want to come with you to Alderaan. There’s nothing for me here now. […]

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Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?

I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of […]

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How do you know she is a witch?

Burn her anyway! Well, we did do the nose. And this isn’t my nose. This is a false one. Am I right? I am your king. No, no, no! Yes, yes. A bit. But she’s got a wart. …Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? How do you know she is a witch? Be quiet! Bring […]

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The Day The Earth Stood Stupid

Fry! Stay back! He’s too powerful! I’ve been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? I love you, buddy! The Deep South Good man. Nixon’s pro-war and pro-family. Say it in Russian! You lived before you met me?! Ooh, name it after me! Oh, […]

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I’m really more an apartment person

Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a client. Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized. I’m partial to air conditioning. Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a […]

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The Idiot’s Lantern

You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. You hit me with a cricket bat. Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! The Unicorn and the Wasp I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that […]

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Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right

There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Army had half a day. That’s why you always leave a note! Exit Strategy There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, […]

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